Since I've Been Gone

My Pledge to all you "Considerers": (comment with a better nickname for you followers like "deadheads") My Posts will be More Frequent, More Better, and More Funny.

So Since my last Post a lot has happened in the world. First of all my anti-Nikki Haley rant has been vindicated. She has been running around doing the dirty with a blogger (not Lloyd). Ok maybe I'm not fully vindicated since the accuser would and i quote from a comment on his blog "sell his mother's tombstone for $1000 and a line of cocaine." I'm going with he is probably lying. But say he isn't, some of the worlds greatest leaders have been adulterers.

Benjamin Franklin, FDR, Eleanor Roosevelt, Thomas Jefferson, JFK, Bill Clinton, Julius Caesar, and of course the should've been president good ole Strom Thurmond. On the other hand South Carolina is probably tired of politicians involved in sex scandals.


The oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico is now officially bigger than the Exxon Valdez, on the good front they are currently plugging it up(we hope).

Lindsay Lohan has to wear an alcohol monitoring bracelet (as ordered by the court). Who knew these existed, i think the bracelets are good start for a new drinking game.

Finally its memorial day weekend, y'all know what that means the beach, back pack chairs, sun burned Yankees, and COOLER COLD BEER.[beer recommendation Full Sail Lager (the bottles look like red stripe bottles)]

To The SC Residents

I think by now we are all tired of Sanford; he has worn on us from two ways, his ridiculous affair (he was in the Keys this weekend with his Argentine lover) and also (and more importantly) completely shutting down the legislative branch. Sanford is famous for not being able to work with people (he has gone through more chiefs of staff than any other governor) and the legislative branch. He once took two piglets into the house chambers and they proceeded to drop a deuce on the floor. It is commonly known that his ex-wife or soon to be ex-wife was the brains behind the Sanford political machine and radical political theories (that revolve around doing nothing and vetoing everything), so with this in mind I will caution you against voting for Nikki Haley. Sanford's wife has endorsed Haley and she is known for similar views that the Sanfords carried. I am not going to tell you who to vote for in the general election; in all likelihood the Republican will win. With this in mind, our state can not take another governor that does no governing.

Let me know what you think, post a comment.

1 out of 8

• 1 out of 8 Americans are on foodstamps.
• 1 0ut of 8 women will get breast cancer
• 1 Out Of 8 Girls got Pregnant At Robeson High School, Chicago(October 2009)
• 1 out of 8 Californians are unemployed
• 1 out of 8 South Carolinian are unemployed
• 1 out of 8 international calls go through skype
• 1 out of 8 people suffer from problems caused by backache or slipped disk (one is tiger woods)
• 1 out of 8 people in Kenya are infected with AIDS or HIV
• 1 out of 8 people suffer from depression in the course of their lives
• 1 out of 8 people over age 65 will have Alzheimer's
• 1 in 8 Yale students are legacies

National Restaurant Chain Rankings

Casual Dining:

1. Carrabas

2. Outback

3. Ruby Tuesday

4. Chilis

5. Olive Garden

Best Fast Food

1. Chic-fil-a (they have a spicy chicken sandwich coming out next month)

2. Bojangles

3. Wendy's

4. Burger King

100. McDonald's

Regional Fast Food of note

1. Rush's (Columbia)

2. The Varsity (Georgia)

3. Smithfield Barbecue (north Carolina)

4. Rosewood Dairy Bar (Columbia)

5. Whitefords (Clinton SC)

Best French Fries

1. Bojangles

2. Wendy's

3. McDonald's

4.Chic-fil-a

5. Hardee's

Best Burger

1.Five Guys

2. Wendy's

3. Hardee's

4. Burger King

5. McDonald's (cause the dub is just a buck)

Subs

1. Jersey Mike's

2. Firehouse

3. Jimmy Johns

4. schlotzskys

5. Subway (eat fresh)

Pizza

1. Mellow Mushroom (nothing else of note on a national level)

An Anonymous Letter to Andre Bauer

I recieved the Following letter in my email. So Today we have a Guest Blogger.

Dear Mr. Bauer,

Thank you for running against poor people instead of Obama, I for one applaud your courage. While Gresham Barrett and Henry McMaster argue over who hates President Obama more, you have cast your net wide. You hate poor people the most! After all, if it weren't for poor people we wouldn't have to suffer through the current four years of comuni-fascist dictatorship that is the current administration. Poor people, as you pointed out, are nothing more than stray animals that keep coming around for more and more handouts from me, Joe Taxpayer. I think that in a year where unemployment in SC is hovering around 12% we all need to ask ourselves if it isn't time to pull the plug already. Maybe Thomas Malthus was right, once the nipple of government assistance is withdrawn, these poor people will simply wander off and die. After all, when I quit feeding stray dogs that's what they do....I think. Furthermore, these poor people are more than just a financial burden. Their loud music, baggy pants, and Newport cigarettes are annoying to say the least. Not to mention: poor people don't tip, poor people smell bad, poor people are all on drugs, poor people are unfairly proportioned in prisons, poor people are under-represented in all legislative bodies, and poor people are downright scary. Myrtle Beach banned bike week because poor bike week got out of hand! That used to be the highlight of my year! I'm tired of all of these poories ruining my good times. Yeah sure, they're fun to watch when they make it to the big leagues and they sure can dance, but I'm just not comfortable with poor people living in my neighborhood.Back to poor people being responsible for Barack Obama. He's half poor! Sure his mom's side of the family were decent hard working Americans, but his dad was from Africa, the poorest continent on the planet! Not to mention he was propelled to victory by stealing the poor vote away from Hillary in the South Carolina primary.You've got my vote! Let's send those poor people back to Africa (or some other poor continent).

Just some thoughts,

Harry White DeVille

Stupid Terrorist and Stupider Media

<------Dumbass Terrorist

So last Saturday a SUV was found Smoking in Times Square; it was a car bomb left there by a Pakistani man who is a naturalized US citizen (someone who becomes a citizen of the USA that was not born here and whose parents are not citizens). The car bomb did not blow up and even if it did it would not have done a tremendous amount of damage. Yes people would have died and it would have been bad but nothing like the Oklahoma City bombing or even as big as average IED bombs in Iraq and Afghanistan. So bottom line is this guy was an incompetent terrorist, luck for us.
What went wrong with the bomb you ask, well this has been answered over the last few days by the 24 hour cable news networks. The pundits offered criticisms of the attempted bombing like:
He didn't use the right kind of fertilizer(some fertilizer blows up and some doesn't they made sure to say which does and which doesn't)
He didn't open the propane tank valves (this would have helped ignite the bomb)
He should have put the bomb somewhere else that would actually scare normal Americans proceeding to name places ie. (Cincinnati, Kansas City, movie theatres, schools, and malls)

More than Just Wild Animals at the Zoo

I went to River Banks Zoo in Columbia yesterday, and saw something even more entertaining than the normal tank top wearing white trash. I was walking down the path, already laughing out loud, after watching a giraffe's black tongue attack my girlfriend (which is comparable in length to its neck). There is a deck overlooking the exhibit where you can feed the giraffes; she had her back turned as the giraffe watched me give her a handful of romaine lettuce and it lept into action. While that may rival what I'm about to write, its not as interesting. Coming around the path towards me was a Jewish child wearing a yamaka which is not that interesting right, well the yamaka was camouflaged, yes camouflaged. (insert laughter) This leads into a deeper question; is peace in the middle east possible? So does this Bigfoot-like siting mean that A.) The Jewish people are a war loving people, always prepared for battle, (even at the zoo) that will never know peace? or B.) The kid I saw is just another proud redneck from South Carolina? I'll leave that for you to marinate on.

Please Post a Comment With Your Answer.

Going to the Beach

With the weather heating up down here in Charleston I cant stop thinking about the Summer Saturdays at the Beach. There is not many better things you can do than spend a day at the beach. Walking up the beach path with cotton mouth waiting on that first beer you step out of your flip flops and into the warm sand (hopefully warm and not hot). Look around to find that perfect spot on the beach, you don't want kids around but you do want bikini clad coeds, and you need room enough for your beach games.

Acceptable Beach Games: Bocci Ball, Horseshoes, and Frisbee

UNacceptable Beach Games:

Paddle Ball(wasn't fun when you were a kid not fun now)

Paddle Ball with Velcro (worse than plain paddle ballBuilding a Sand Castle (its cool for all you 8 year old future engineers of America just weird now)

Then you sling your back pack chair off of your shoulder, if you dont have a back pack chair then you just don't know what you are doing (you might be from Ohio). People from ohio--->

Next is the first Cooler Cold Beer of the day, nothing better. 45 minutes and 4 beers later you get that feeling. You know what I'm talking about, your eye catches view of the horizontal lines of women grouped together at waist high water but just spread out enough; the lone men at least 20 yards away from the next person, you go waist deep and relax. Or, you could do the soccer star special and take a knee 5 yards behind your friends on the beach. All you have to do is enjoy the rest of your day.

Beach Recommendations:

Beer Type- Lager

Food- Sandwich and Chips

Ice have lots of it and Water and Gatorade

Sunscreen- apply lotion before you arrive and reapply with spray can (its not that cool rubbing sandy lotion on your skin)

Music-its a must

Oil Spill in Gulf of Mexico

picture from nytimes.com

I will be traveling to Louisiana next week, so with the state in the front of my mind, here are some fun facts about the oil spill.

Quick Facts:

Oil Rig is larger than a football field

It is Leased and operated by British Petroleum (BP)

It sank (yes it sank) 50 miles off coast of Louisiana

The leak is coming from 3 different locations

You can smell the oil from the coasts of Florida to Louisiana

The Coast Guard is doing controlled burns (like in a forest) to get rid of the oil

It may take up to 3 months to stop the leak (common way to stop a leak like this is to drill another hole and change the flow of oil)

BP will be required by law to pay for the clean up (including the government's cost of overseeing the clean up.

The oil is leaking at a rate of 5000 barrells a day (1 barrell = 42 gallons)

BEER 101:

In general there are two major categories of beer (ale and lager); these two categories may then be broken into smaller categories. Lager is what we grew up on such as ______ (insert the first beer you ever had a sip of and there you go)ie. bud light. Ale is the first import beer you ever tried that you did not like at first but now that you have aged and matured will occasionally drink. ie. newcastle. Lager is bottom fermented (which requires refrigeration) while Ale is top fermented.

LLoyd's Recommendations: ALE: Franziskanker Wheat Ale, Allagash White ale, and Dogfish Head 90 minute IPA

LAGER: Pilsner Urquell, Red Stripe, peroni and Michelob Light.

LLoyd's Dont's: Bud Light, Miller Light, Sierra Nevada(not terrible but you could do better for same price), and Heineken(America's first import).

Try this website to learn more: beeradvocate.com

The Three best places to drink are on somebody else's boat, a bar with taps lining the walls, and Oktoberfest in Munich if you can swing it.

Quote of the Day: "drinking good beer is a coed event"-drunken American at Oktoberfest 2006

First Blog

I was recently encouraged by the masses to start a blog. I think for a number reasons: (in my mind) i'm a genius, for a certain x-soccer star to chuckle to himself as he watches an entire nascar race, and finally to keep the masses informed of all the trivial knowledge and opinions clutterd in my head (both of which you can hear from me with regularity if you want to or not). So here it is, my blog.
Quote of the Day: "you can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning" -anonymous
I've got an Andy Rooney rant for yall: ESPN, how about every now and then you stop rolling the damn news and scores scroller. Its bad enough that you constantly have the virtual scoreboard on the picture cutting off about 10% of the screen. When I'm watching a big game its not that cool to find myself brought to a trance like state reading the same headline and score every five minutes. People usually have the internet at their finger tips as they watch tv; if there is a score somebody wants to know they can go to your website. I didn't realize until last football season how much more enjoyable an experience it is to see just football when watching the game; the regional SEC games are shown like this in HD and ESPN with all of the over-produced highlights and over-hyped individual players don't hold a candle to just watching the game.